Discuss upsetting remarks

Q A manager from another department made a last-minute request to compile materials for a meeting. I told her I would do my best and set aside my other work, but I still didn't get everything she wanted. The next day, a co-worker told me she said terrible things about me at the meeting. Should I say something to her about this?

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A Even if this manager gave you plenty of time to complete the work she needed, it was totally unprofessional for her to make insulting or degrading remarks about you.

Better managers do not reprimand employees in public - whether face-to-face or behind their back. And rather than placing blame for any problem, they focus on preventing a recurrence in the future.

Since you are understandably upset over what happened, you should discuss the situation with this manager. (However, you should do so only if you have the OK of the employee who told you in confidence what she said.) Be sure to focus on the manager's comments, avoid labeling and defensiveness, and be sure to mention the amount of lead time that will work best for these kinds of projects. This approach will actually provide this manager with many learning opportunities.

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Q While working on a project with a senior manager, and I emailed some information to him. A

few days later, he wrote a nasty email demanding the information, and he copied my manager. I responded by resending my original email, with a copy to my manager. Now the senior manager is furious with me; he treated me so badly during our last meeting that other employees took note. How should I handle this?

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A You should go back and take a look at the way you forwarded your email to him. For example, did you simply use "FYI," or did were the tone and language more condescending and arrogant? This would not excuse his subsequent behavior, but it might explain it.

When battles develop as a result of emailed messages, the best way to resolve them is by meeting face-to-face. In this case, you should drop by this manager's office, mention that you are concerned about communication with him, and ask him if there are any issues that should be discussed. He might say that he indeed overreacted to your email, but perhaps there are other totally separate matters that need to be discussed.

Ken Lloyd, Ph.D., is an Encino-based management consultant, coach, and author who specializes in organizational behavior. His newest book is "Performance Appraisals and Phrases for Dummies."

Source: http://www.dailynews.com/news/ci_18218813?source=rss

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